Two words that have great meanings separately but together…are so powerful! It has been a very hard month for me. Actually this is the second worse month of the year for me, the first being December. That is the month my son committed suicide. He was 19. This year on May 29, he would of been 22.
I also made a business decision to go back on my own creating and doing my art and jewelry. Having chronic illnesses and the medicines you must take are pure hell. My energy level is low and I want to create for me and when I am able. It is just much more satisfying to me. And I don’t beat myself up for not being able to do for others.
I have learned lessons over the years that I wish I didn’t have to. When I first got ill at 28, I lost friends, very close friends or so I thought, due to me not being able to hang out all day at the pool anymore or do all the things we used to. They dropped like flies. That happened quite a bit through my journey. When my son passed we were flooded by people supporting us and his memorial was packed but two, three weeks passed and everyone went back to normal and we didn’t exist in the same way. Understandable as the tragedy didn’t happen to them but still sad as to this day we still suffer his loss greatly. I went through a period of sadness and meaness and I fought with everyone who crossed me. Those who understood the pain I was in just let me go with the feelings, others walked away, sometimes making the situation worse to get me going even more without understanding or caring that I was in pain. I always wondered what they would of felt like or acted like if they lost one of their children.
But I am older now-maybe more mature? I don’t fight or care what others say about me. I have learned that I am the only one it affects. They do not care, they say and act as they choose-and move on to the next thing and I am stuck in hate, anger and betrayal. I am letting it all go and moving on. And I hope you do too as everyday small things happen that change your mood instantly. We shouldn’t let it! Find the people who love you, follow you, are there for you and hold on to them. Concentrate on them but mostly concentrate on yourself. For every one person who does not like you or talks about you or whatever, there are 5 who DO love you and like you!!!! I have many friends who love me for me and those outweigh any of the bad ones. BE KIND TO YOURSELF!!!!!!!!
I haven’t Art Journaled in a long time. Recently my friend Annie opened an art journal group where she puts up songs and you listen to them and journal how it makes you feel or what you get from the song. I did the first prompt and it made me remember just how much I do love painting and drawing and everything I haven’t done in so long! It made me feel better about my situation and got the ball rolling to keep making Art. I am very thankful because I am now creating MY art daily! Here is the group if you want to join. It is private so no outsiders can see if you are sensitive with sharing how you feel.
Thank you for baring with my rant and here is to all of us and NEW BEGINNINGS! I am going to add the 2 videos I did for the first song in the group and if you like it please sub to my youtube as I put new stuff up several times a week!

14 Comments for “NEW BEGINNINGS”

  1. 1Linda Chilcott

    Thank You for putting in words how I feel letting everyone down. I know you have been through awhole lot too…Thats why I do not promise or get into anything because just can’t promise anything right now.
    THANK You Again.
    Linda Chilcott

  2. 2Carol Desjarlais

    You know how much I admire you? I do not think you do as I get lost betimes and seem not to be where you maybe think I should… but hear it now.. I ADMIRE YOU!!

  3. 3Pam

    Kelly you know I love you like a sister.. I hope this new journey will be what you need.
    As you know we have been on a bad health road here at our house. I have lost friends bec of all this, too. So hang in there and know that you have more talent in your BIG TOE (hehe) than most ppl have in their whole body.!!!

  4. 4Robyn C.

    Well said. You are an inspiration for getting back up and beginning again. As one of my favorite songs says “The hardest part of ending is starting again”. SO thrilled to see you starting again.

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  6. 6Chinatu

    Thank you, Kelly Graham, for your kind words. You are one wonderful soul. My msioisn is to serve humanity through the written word, and my blog is the avenue where it all starts. It is my hope that some of my posts find a place in your heart and are of any use to you, as they are to others. Thank you again for your interest, many blessings and much love to you. Subhan Zein

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